COPE:
1. To contend or strive, especially on even terms or with success.
2. To contend with difficulties and act to overcome them.
I tend to ignore my Alopecia 99.9% of the time. I make believe it does not exist. I do not want to have Alopecia. I don't want to lose my hair. I never identified myself with it or by it, but I can't get the struggle out of my head and I am constantly and continually being shaped by it. Alopecia taught me about judgement. Alopecia taught me to be a better more accepting person. Alopecia taught me to know and understand more about a person than what meets the eye; to enjoy a person first and foremost by WHO they are, not by life circumstances out of their control. I learned this at a very young age. I killed them with my outgoing, fun, enthusiastic personality. I DON'T WANT TO BE KNOWN AS THE BALD GIRL. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN THIS. So I hide it. I don't give people a choice on how to define me, or I at least don't give strangers the option to define me by my disease. I often wonder WHO I would be if I had no Alopecia to begin with. I always come to the same conclusion: I would not be me. I HAVE Alopecia, and I will ALWAYS have Alopecia. There is no cure.
The problem is that my adversity is so visually distinct. Seeing a bald woman may make some people uncomfortable. It may intrigue some people. It may turn people on. It may turn people off. Either way, a bald head will certainly stick out in the crowd. Do I want to stick out? As a child, I delighted in my baldness. As an adult, I am ashamed by it at times. Many adults are cruel. More people know about chemo and cancer then Alopecia. I don't want to be asked if I am sick. It's irrelevant in most social situations. ALOPECIA HAS MORE PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS than PHYSICAL. I lose my hair. That's it. I don't want to be reminded of my Alopecia every day when some boisterous person decides to ask me about my 'new MTV haircut'. I don't want to be asked how my chemo is going. [I have close family members who have both DIED and are in remission from cancer, I feel like a fraud not having cancer, yet receiving pity for it]. About a year ago, I was walking around in the Home Depot (wearing my signature black knit cap) and a woman approached me. She asked me something along the lines of, "Excuse me, I may be being nosy," (YES YOU ARE...I thought), "...but do you have cancer?" I was bothered. I was minding my own business shopping and whatnot. I found it to be such a rude and irrelevant question. "I have Alopecia," I told her. She explained that she had a relative who was going through chemo and she was scared, asking for advice. I felt like the weight of her world had crashed onto me. I felt like crap for being offended. Acceptance is helping those who need support. I am stronger than I allow myself to be. I am only weak because I allow myself to be.
It's all about perception.
It's ALMOST comical to me, that the self-worth of a human is largely and outwardly determined so much by the WAY WE LOOK. BEAUTY does not last forever. A kind heart and a warm personality can last an eternity.
2. To contend with difficulties and act to overcome them.
"Living with hair loss can be hard. There are many things you can do to cope with the effects of this disease, including:
Everyone has their own way of coping with their own personal adversities...there is not one specific way of coping that will work for everyone. This should be something quite obvious when read...though in practice, judgments are often made (including myself making them sometimes), as to just what method of coping should be appropriate. "Why don't you just....take off your hat in public?" It's so easy to say. TAKE IT OFF. It's so easy to imagine myself freeing myself from the chain of a hat or any supplemental headpiece in public situations (and yes I understand that this is a chain I put on myself). So why is it so difficult? I've lived with this for MY WHOLE LIFE. I've attempted so many methods of trying to HIDE my Alopecia, like its something to be ashamed of. CHANGE that from within, Emily, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Hey, hide your lack of hair so that people around you have an easier time to look at you and so that you VISUALLY fit in. It's ingrained in my thoughts. It's ingrained in my culture. I want people to look into my EYES when conversing with me, not at my bald head or my unnatural and wigged out hairline.  |
| 2009, Self-Portraits |
I tend to ignore my Alopecia 99.9% of the time. I make believe it does not exist. I do not want to have Alopecia. I don't want to lose my hair. I never identified myself with it or by it, but I can't get the struggle out of my head and I am constantly and continually being shaped by it. Alopecia taught me about judgement. Alopecia taught me to be a better more accepting person. Alopecia taught me to know and understand more about a person than what meets the eye; to enjoy a person first and foremost by WHO they are, not by life circumstances out of their control. I learned this at a very young age. I killed them with my outgoing, fun, enthusiastic personality. I DON'T WANT TO BE KNOWN AS THE BALD GIRL. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN THIS. So I hide it. I don't give people a choice on how to define me, or I at least don't give strangers the option to define me by my disease. I often wonder WHO I would be if I had no Alopecia to begin with. I always come to the same conclusion: I would not be me. I HAVE Alopecia, and I will ALWAYS have Alopecia. There is no cure.The problem is that my adversity is so visually distinct. Seeing a bald woman may make some people uncomfortable. It may intrigue some people. It may turn people on. It may turn people off. Either way, a bald head will certainly stick out in the crowd. Do I want to stick out? As a child, I delighted in my baldness. As an adult, I am ashamed by it at times. Many adults are cruel. More people know about chemo and cancer then Alopecia. I don't want to be asked if I am sick. It's irrelevant in most social situations. ALOPECIA HAS MORE PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS than PHYSICAL. I lose my hair. That's it. I don't want to be reminded of my Alopecia every day when some boisterous person decides to ask me about my 'new MTV haircut'. I don't want to be asked how my chemo is going. [I have close family members who have both DIED and are in remission from cancer, I feel like a fraud not having cancer, yet receiving pity for it]. About a year ago, I was walking around in the Home Depot (wearing my signature black knit cap) and a woman approached me. She asked me something along the lines of, "Excuse me, I may be being nosy," (YES YOU ARE...I thought), "...but do you have cancer?" I was bothered. I was minding my own business shopping and whatnot. I found it to be such a rude and irrelevant question. "I have Alopecia," I told her. She explained that she had a relative who was going through chemo and she was scared, asking for advice. I felt like the weight of her world had crashed onto me. I felt like crap for being offended. Acceptance is helping those who need support. I am stronger than I allow myself to be. I am only weak because I allow myself to be.
It's all about perception.
It's ALMOST comical to me, that the self-worth of a human is largely and outwardly determined so much by the WAY WE LOOK. BEAUTY does not last forever. A kind heart and a warm personality can last an eternity.
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